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This time last year, we had a little fun with the help of One Tree Hill to help us survive the agonizing break between the NCAA Tournament and the WNBA Draft.
So, why not do the same this year?
It’s time to play the role of the Sorting Hat. That’s right— I’ll be sorting one player from each team into their Hogwarts House.
Before I do that, I need to set an important ground rule. I don’t buy into any of the negative stereotypes surrounding the houses. Not all Slytherins are evil and not all Hufflepuffs are weirdos. So when you’re reading this, and your favorite player is sorted into one of those houses, it’s not an insult. I, myself, am a proud Slytherin.
All four houses have their traits that make them great. These twelve players exemplify those traits.
And away we go!
Homage’s super-soft WNBA tee is ready for hoops action as the league begins its 27th season. Twelve teams duking it out to win the top prize in women’s basketball— snag the jump ball and get into the game in style.
Atlanta Dream- Aari McDonald
Hogwarts House: Slytherin
Aari McDonald became a star during Arizona’s run to the NCAA championship in 2021.
That run helped catapult her to the No. 3 overall pick in the WNBA Draft. McDonald is a tenacious defender— the kind that could make an All-WNBA Defensive Team someday. Standing at just 5’6, one of the knocks in the months before the draft was her height.
But she didn’t let that stop her.
Slytherins house the most cunning and resourceful wizards. I like to think McDonald is resourceful in the way she uses her size to her advantage. Despite being smaller than most players, she utilizes her quickness and toughness to be a terror for offensive players on the perimeter.
Like a true Slytherin, McDonald knows how to maximize her strengths.
Chicago Sky- Marina Mabrey
Hogwarts House: Slytherin
Marina Mabrey will be seeing McDonald in the Slytherin common room.
Mabrey signed quite a lucrative deal to play with the Chicago Sky for the next three seasons. Many people weren’t sure what kind of player Mabrey would be after her rookie year, or if she’d turn into a valuable WNBA talent.
But over the last three seasons, she’s quieted those doubts.
Like a true Slytherin, Mabrey would sooner retire than ever show a single sign of weakness when going toe to toe with her opponents. She’s the type of player who wants everyone on the court to know that she’s here, and she’s coming for you. Mabrey most definitely gets under her opponents skin, in the same way Draco Malfoy was constantly getting under Harry Potter’s.
Connecticut Sun- Alyssa Thomas
Hogwarts House: Gryffindor
Most people might disagree here and say Thomas is a Slytherin because of how she’s viewed as somewhat of a villain.
But to me, she’s an overwhelming Gryffindor. In case you haven’t heard, Thomas plays with no functioning labrum in her shoulders. They’re both torn. It’s why she can’t shoot jump shots, and why she has such an unorthodox shooting form from the free-throw line.
Gryffindors remain courageous and strong in the face of adversity, and Thomas has certainly done that over the last few years. Between her shoulders and returning from an Achilles rupture, she’s faced an unfair amount of adversity.
And yet, she continues to get the job done.
Dallas Wings- Diamond DeShields
Hogwarts House: Gryffindor
During the wubble season, fans were asking the same question— is Diamond okay?
It was clear to fans who knew what DeShields’ game normally looked like that something was up.
It turns out she wasn’t okay. In May 2022, ESPN reported that in January 2020, DeShields underwent surgery to remove a spinal tumor. The surgery was very risky, and despite her making it through the surgery, DeShields basically had to learn how to walk again. She tried to play through the wubble season, but ended up departing after 13 games due to what was an unknown injury at the time.
Fast forward to 2021 and there’s DeShields holding up the WNBA Championship trophy. It’s one of the greatest stories of perseverance and one that screams Gryffindor. It would’ve been really easy for Harry to say “I’m tired of this, I’m done,” at any point during those tumultuous years of chasing down Voldemort.
But he never did. The same way no one would’ve blamed DeShields for deciding to step away from the game and retire, which is something she considered. Like Harry, she never did either, and that’s something to be proud of.
Indiana Fever- Aliyah Boston
Hogwarts House: Hufflepuff
Sorry, I’m cheating with this one.
We all know Aliyah Boston is going to be an Indiana Fever by the evening of April 10th, and she’s too textbook of a Hufflepuff to ignore. Of all the houses, Hufflepuffs are the most humble. I don’t know if there’s a more humble star — at least in the college game — than Boston. Boston is the type of player who doesn’t say much, she just works.
That work paid off, as she was the National Player of the Year in 2022 and the Defensive Player of the Year in both 2022 and 2023. She also has a ring to show for it.
Expect Boston to carry the same grace into the league that she’s displayed these last four years.
Las Vegas Aces- A’ja Wilson
Hogwarts House: Gryffindor
From the University of South Carolina to the Las Vegas Aces, A’ja Wilson has always been the main character.
She even has a statue to prove it. Now, if you’re at all familiar with Harry Potter, you know that Gryffindors are always at the forefront. That’s what it’s like for Wilson. No matter what, Harry, Ron and Hermione are the ones front and center. The same way the three of them were thorns in Voldemort’s side, Wilson is that for the rest of the league. Coming off her second Most Valuable Player Award in 2022, the league knows that in order to be the best, you have to beat the best.
And that’s A’ja Wilson.
Los Angeles Sparks- Azurá Stevens
Hogwarts House: Hufflepuff
While Azurá Stevens certainly fits the same mold as Boston in terms of humility, she also seems like a phenomenal friend, which is another key trait of Hufflepuffs.
She’s constantly shouting out her friends on social media if they have a big game. Her friendship with current restricted free agent, Gabby Williams, is one of my favorite WNBA friendships. Whether they’re making TikToks or conversing about their cats, they’re besties for life.
Hufflepuffs are the kindest souls you will ever meet and would do anything to put a smile on people’s faces. While I’ve never met Stevens, I have a sneaking suspicion that WNBA players would say this is entirely true about her.
Minnesota Lynx- Napheesa Collier
Hogwarts House: Hufflepuff
Joining her former UConn teammate in Hufflepuff is former Rookie of the Year, Napheesa Collier.
Like Stevens, Collier strikes me as the type of person who wouldn’t hurt a fly. Collier quietly goes about her business on the court and steamrolls over her competition. You won’t see her pounding her chest or talking trash after a big shot. She carries herself so humbly. Collier was raised that way by her parents, but she was also raised that way in the WNBA by her former teammate, Sylvia Fowles. Collier was under the tutelage of Fowles for four seasons and now will be leading the way for the Lynx following Fowles’ retirement.
New York Liberty- Courtney Vandersloot
Hogwarts House: Ravenclaw
The upcoming season will be Courtney Vandersloot’s first WNBA season not wearing a Chicago Sky uniform.
She took her talents to Brooklyn, where she’s teaming up with Breanna Stewart and Jonquel Jones. Arguably the best point guard in the league for a few years now, Vandersloot dices up defenses in her sleep. I see true point guards like Vandersloot as inherent Ravenclaws. Ravenclaws are known for being creative and intelligent. In true Ravenclaw fashion, Vandersloot always seems to be two steps ahead of defenses.
Phoenix Mercury- Diana Taurasi
Hogwarts House: Slytherin
I can comfortably say Diana Taurasi was the easiest player in this exercise to sort.
I’m not even really sure it needs that much of an explanation. Throughout the entire series, Slytherins are painted as the villains. While not all Slytherins are villains, usually the villains are Slytherins. And is there a greater villain in the WNBA than Taurasi? She’s the one everyone loves to hate.
If she’s not playing on her home court, you can guarantee she’s hearing boos. Even in her home away from home state of Connecticut, she hears the boos. There’s something about the way she carries herself on the court, some might call it confidence, some might call it arrogance, that makes her the great villain she is. Taurasi is the epitome of the player you love with all your heart if she’s on your team, and the player you despise if she’s not on your team.
Seattle Storm- Ezi Magbegor
Hogwarts House: Ravenclaw
Ezi Magbegor is one of the league’s rising stars with through-the-roof potential.
Most WNBA fans know that. What some fans might not know, is that Magbegor has a propensity for learning. During the wubble season, Magbegor was actually going to school full time. She was in the process of obtaining her degree in psychology. Ravenclaws are notorious for their thirst for knowledge. You have to be itching to learn to go to school during the craziness of the wubble season, as it was already stressful enough.
Imagine you just spent the night guarding A’ja Wilson, and then you have to go home and write a paper? No thanks.
Washington Mystics- Natasha Cloud
Hogwarts House: Ravenclaw
Another one of the league’s top point guards, Natasha Cloud exhibits Ravenclaw tendencies.
Like Vandersloot, Cloud is creative in her ability to read defenses and distribute the ball based on those reads. After all, Cloud did lead the league in assists last season. But the other characteristic that makes Cloud a Ravenclaw is her individuality. Ravenclaws tend to go against the grain and don’t always follow the crowd. I see that in Cloud.
Especially in recent years, Cloud has been one of the more outspoken players in the league when it comes to speaking out against social injustices.
Many players in the league caught some slack for this. While others fight the same fight — just in a quieter manner — Cloud is unapologetically loud when standing up for what she believes in.
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